I embarked on my conscious healing journey in 2000. At that time, my life appeared to be picture-perfect. I had graduated from universities in Tokyo and NYC, secured an exciting role as a Marketing Manager at an IT company, and was living in a beautiful suburb of Vienna, Austria, with ample opportunities to travel. On the outside, I seemed happy and successful. But inside, I was far from it.
Despite my outward accomplishments, I couldn't relax. I was constantly driven by an overwhelming inner pressure to prove myself—to be good enough. I spent most of my time planning, executing, and evaluating professional and personal projects, always running from one task to the next. The more successful I became, the lonelier and more depressed I felt. I was caught in a cycle, perpetually busy but arriving at no sense of fulfillment.
The first wake-up call came when I began experiencing a range of health issues—sleep disorders, anxiety, lack of energy, mild depression, lost menstrual cycles, eczema, and food allergies. I felt miserable and helpless. Without sufficient sleep and deep rest, I wondered if life was even worth living anymore.
Then, in late 2015, a friend of mine tragically took his own life. From the outside, he appeared to be successful and content, so his sudden death shocked everyone who knew him. This devastating event acted as a catalyst for me to pursue healing therapies for myself.
After exploring various Western approaches, I discovered an Eastern Taoist approach that felt holistic and deeply resonated with both my mind and body. Within two months of practicing Taoism, all my symptoms disappeared, and my energy levels surged.
This experience sparked a new passion in me: to learn and master Taoist healing arts with the goal of becoming a professional bodyworker. I invested all my resources into learning and practicing, alongside my daily responsibilities and work.
However, I didn’t realize at the time that I had simply switched from one hamster wheel to another—this time with the ambition of becoming a healer, rather than a Chief Marketing Officer. Then, a shocking diagnosis changed everything: I was told I had cancer growing rapidly in my abdomen.
Confronting this life-threatening diagnosis, I learned to truly listen to my body and feel what was present. I knew instinctively that I couldn’t view cancer as an enemy, but rather as a messenger, a friend. I spoke to the cancer cells every day with compassion, as though I were speaking to my own child. One day, I asked the cancer what message it had for me. In the stillness, I received a powerful insight from my body:
‘BE LOVE.’
Faced with the very real possibility of death, my priorities in life shifted dramatically. Before cancer, my focus was on becoming someone special, accumulating material wealth, and gathering experiences, traveling the world. After cancer, my primary focus became knowing my true self deeply and loving myself unconditionally. I began to connect with nature, simplify my life, and spend more time with my loved ones. For the first time in my adult life, I began to live in harmony with nature.
I am deeply grateful for surviving that challenging experience with cancer. Today, my heart feels wide open, and vibrant, joyous energy flows throughout my body. I often feel at home wherever I am, with whomever I'm with, swimming in an ocean of love.
As a wise person once said, “All sickness is homesickness.” Every illness is an invitation, disguised as suffering, to slow down and come home to ourselves. In that process of coming home, we cultivate more compassion for ourselves and others.
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